it my TOTALLY FREE weekend at last

finally
the most long awaited weekends arrived
and to make t even more meaningful
no extra classes
no extra co-curricular activities
its time to stay at home, doing laundry, sweeping and mopping floor, brushing toilet and bathroom
but the suck thing is that
i aint have any transports
so
stay home for 2 days and simply relax myself at home
WHY NOT?

.:: numb ::.

my heart.... my heart...
is confused and clustered with things that i can't explain
too many worries until it becomes numb
and i turned into feelingless and emotionless person

i mean anyone ever know who i am
i might appear to be that emotionless type of person
but i aint really that type of person at the back
i pretend to be thoughtless
but what happened right now is what i pretend to be
turned real

the normal me at school
who cares about the kids
scold and nag at the kids
simply because i care
i am worried why did not do their homework, why they did not bring their book
why they did not pay attention, why they did not listen
why they did not understand
but what happened
when i am no longer nagging and scolding them
simply because i do not care
i do not even bother about them
i teach in front
they choose to listen or to ignore
they choose to do their work or not
to make noises and chat
i do not even feel irritate
i do not even feel angry
i just do not care

it is normal
when teacher turned their back to write on the blackboard
the whole class turned upside down
especially if you are teaching the last class
before this i will get angry
telling the kids to sit down
calm down, i will explain soon
but now
i do not feel angry
i do not feel annoyed
i do not feel irritated
as a matter of fact
i do not feel anything
i just do not care about them at all

now
the only thing that i feel
as if the world, everyone, everything is moving really fast
while i am moving really slow
and everything, everyone
is leaving me behind
even my soul
is leaving me...

kehilangan jiwa

Is currently lack of motivation to live.
Have any of you encountered such situation?
Each morning you wake up, hopping for it to end soon.
There seriously is nothing that could lift my spirit up.
Lost it. Left it?
Maybe I should trail back my path to find the soul that I dropped.
If not, I might forever lose it and continuously living like a walking corpse.
With no emotion, feeling, sympathy, whatmore strength.
What should I do?
What should I do?
What should I do?
Help me, before I drown, drifted, to an unknown land of grief and alienation.

kemunculan baru... APEKAH?

WELL.. WEL.. WELL...
been thinking about this for quite a long time, till just now finally i made a baby step towards it..
i tried it, with the guidance of my housemate, still i don't really think it suits me,
and it will definitely take some times for me to get use with it..
i mean, because i've been this way for the rest of my 25 years of living
and after that 25 years, i finally going to make some changes that might impact the rest of my life
especially when it comes to financial and budget
will i be able to do it?
the real question would actually be
do i really wanna do it
the answer would be yes
but i'm afraid that i would be unable to deal with the surroundings later
how i have to get use with that new change
and how would people react with that change
but i would love to try
is it ok?

ok ok... i havent mentioned at all
what is the change
allow me to tell you

i will change from wearing the normal 'tudung' to the ' lilit-lilit scarf'
bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhaa

DBSK T SHIRT CONTEST

Actually i (ukimi) just want to give it to the luckiest 2 person...hehe btw the t shirt is design by me (ukimi). Just a simple one ^^

all u have to do is

1. must have blogspot

2. follow me (ukimi)

3. tell me y do u like dbsk/tvxq/tohoshinki

4. publish this entries at ur own blog
5. MALAYSIAN ONLY..{SO SORRY}

6. link the picture to this entries "DBSK T SHIRT CONTEST" at my blog

7. pray that i pick u as the winner hehe
8. comment at this entries that u already follow me (ukimi) & make an entries bout DBSK T SHIRT CONTEST at ur own blog

9. the color of t shirt will be white or black that depend on the t shirt that i found..i means i look at the quality, if black good i pick black but if white good i pick white ^^


THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCE AT END OF AUGUST!
SO GANBATE!

***********************************************************************

and for the reasons why i love TVXQ:

they are the reason why i continue living positively
despite all the hardship and issues that i encountered daily..
when i had lots of works to do,
when people said bad things to me,
when i am stressed and have less sleep and less rest,
i think about them...
TVXQ have loads more works to do,
they sleep much lesser than me,
they have lots of antis that not only said bad thing to them, but to their family too,
they lived with much2 stress than me,
so i consider myself very lucky.. i motivate myself..
telling myself, as a fan, though TVXQ doesnt even know i'm exist,
i must keep a good reputation, good name, taking care the pride of being cassiopeia,
being their fan..
so that when people ask, i can proudly say, i am their fan, a successful in life fan...
they taught me, love can go beyond boundaries,
that my heart cries and laugh together with them,
despite we didnt share the same language...
i love them, how they connect all of us..
from all over the world