i am sick

at this moment, all i need is just a calm rest..
i feel like going to the beach...
laying down somewhere which is not cold.. because apparently now i have cough and flue and sore throat, so a cold place wont help me..
listening to the sound of the wave hitting the beach...
looking at the sun set
i need time to think about myself
not necessarily a long holiday, especially right now i just came back from hometown after a one week chinese new year holiday. however that one week doesnt seem to calm and chill me..
i need someone that i can call or hold
and tell i am sick
and he'll tell me i'll be fine soon

outdated me

there were a lot of time when i feel totally down.
 i feel ugly, fat, unfeminine, awkward and unwanted.
 i'm outdated and not pretty.
 i am not born fashionable and i dont dare to try something new.
 whenever i tried out new thing, it end up weird and ugly.
 thats me. i am born to be outdated.

she who is afraid of love

the feeling of being love and having someone to think of, to look for
is such a beautiful feeling.
the feeling which is exclusive yet isnt hard to find
it exist in the touch of the sun, the warm feeling of glowing heat like the times when you are cold, stepping out of a room searching for some light and the sun hugs with tender warmth, makes you feel loved and cared.
the feeling of you feet waling on the soft grass, after a long tiring day of pacing here and there, in high heels, plastering pretty fake smiles on your face, enduring all the pain and agonizing desire to take the shoes off, right at the moment when your feet stepped on the weak green grass, it brings you relief and clear your clustered mind, thus you believe love is still there.
or maybe after a fiery argument and talks during a meeting, where people just say what they wanted to say, what ever crossed their mind, with one thought and believe that it is being professional and honest is the best thing, never once that they tried to think of the people who heard it and felt it, stepping out of the room, standing at the balcony, and you open your hand as wide as you can, inhaling the air into your lung, hoping to find some reason to view the world in much prettier way.
however all these feeling, they are temporary.
that lovely feeling is often too short.
that you may afraid, the moment it stop, the reality truth could be painful.

windows to the world

i've been monitoring my friends posts on facebook for quite sometimes
those who have been furthering their study in the university, either to do a master or phd level
these people, are my source of jealousy
based on their posts on facebook, i can see that their way of thinking, their words, their thoughts and talks are totally different than me who is living at school, facing little kids everyday in my life
i know nothing much about the world out there
my life lingers around the children, things to be taught at school, things related to school administration, school and district education programs and a little here and there on what happened in malaysia education systems.
i know nothing much about other than the education field
my mind slowly grows narrower
as if there is an invincible board at the side of my head, both left and right. it keeps my view straight to the front. i can hear a lot of things happened both my left and right side, but the board stops me from looking
if i turned my head to the left, then all i see are the lefts. if i turned my head to the right, all i see are the rights.
i want to be able to see the world as a whole
limitless. borderless. unbinded.
will i too, be able to see the world it a wider broader way
to travel the course
to join the adventure
to explore the tides
and be wiser by days

new day, new beginning. its 2013

2nd january 2013, wednesday.
i wish this year i can be a better teacher, for all my kids.
this year i am teaching year 3 Minat, 5 Minat and 6 Minat.
all the good classes.
i have no worries with year 5 and 6 despite the fact i never taught them previously, but my year 3, i am afraid the basic that i provide them isnt sufficient enough.

i will work hard, for them.
today's sweat i tomorrow's fruit.
may my wish and your wish come true.