[ICE] maYBe i SHouLD tRY tO Be SoMEonE eLSe

if i can turn back time...maybe...to the time when i was 15 years old..yeah... i wish i could go back to the time...i'll try my best to make sure that when turn to this age, i wont be me...simply because there is nothing about me that i'm impressed, or should i say, if you know me, believe me, there wouldnt be anything about me that you'll be impressed...but wait!! yaah..you'll find one. you'll be impressed how in the world there is not a single thing about me as a human being that you could be impresed with...simply because i am nothing!! unworthy!! maybe i shouldnt actually be born...if i could turn back time....i'll make sure

1) i'm a good daughter to both my mum and my dad..as i am the only daughter, they must have high expectation towards me the day i was born and along the times they grown me...but i guessed they dont have that expectation anymore...they must have accepted the fact that their daughter aint like other people's daughter...they must be embarrased of having me as their daughter and the oldest child...i'm a spoiled girl, but trust me, its not my parents fault at all...its not.
2) i'll be a good sister to my three younger brothers, show them good examples, lead them and play my role as a sister that they can rely on...i'm sorry to my younger brother, the one who was born 4 years after me, he is my younger brother, but because of me...he as to carry out the responsibility of the oldest child since i did not...i'm sorry
3) i'll study hard and make both of my parents proud of me...i wont waste their money...they spend a lot of money on me, especially when i said it is for schooling and studying purposes..not once they declined it...but i'm simply a child who didnt feel grateful for all my parents sacrifices and loves
4) i'll be a good muslim so that i wont burdened my parents...since they are my parents and they are responsible on what kind of muslims i turn into...i must have burdened them with my loads of sins....mum..dad...i'm sorry.....
5) i'll lead a brave and confident life, heading forward and striving for my dream of involving in art and stage performant
6) i'll be a good citizen of the country and contribute towards the country that accept me to live in it thou till now i didnt do much for it

but i'm sorry...i'm no longer a 15 years old girl...there is nothing that i could do to change who i am now...its too late...too late...as a muslim i know, the only life we will have after this is the after life....i know as a muslim, this life on this very earth ground is our only chance, before we return to our creator, to be judge for all our doings for the rest of our life...i must be a bad girl...will deffinitely be punished....

i'm sorry....i really am...sorry....

to both my parents...my brothers...my best friends *from my side you are my best friends*...my friends who have been together with me all this while....for everyone who knows me...

i'm sorry...and i love all of you~~~